February

In the month of February, things got crazy busy for us. I don't know quite what it was that made things so crazy: increased administration tasks at work, a bunch of yearly check-ups and dentist appointments, Aaron suddenly working more because of the short-term class. But, whatever caused it, things got nuts.

I was grateful, therefore, that I had selected a fairly straightforward project and had purchased the materials already. Because of this, I was able to get right to work.

In February, I did a project for Project Linus, which gives blankets to children in need, such as poorly newborns or those who have been put in foster care.

For this project, I serged the edge of four fleece blankets (as per their instructions on their website about what to do with fleece). Each blanket was sized for a crib blanket, so they will probably go to babies. Here's a picture of my blankets (it includes the white behind, which was a blanket):

This was a fast project, but very satisfying. I hope they help to warm the hearts of the children who get them!

If you wish to help out Project Linus in your area, or if you wish to find out more about this amazing organization, please click here: http://www.projectlinus.org/chapter.php?StateKey=CA

January Project

So, things have gotten a bit busy and I haven't had the opportunity to update on my January project.

In January, I worked for Empower Women in Africa, where I made 13 different feminine hygiene pads and 40 different inserts. Each pad requires 3 inserts to make it a "complete set," so I had to do many more of those than the actual pad. Still, for this I broke out my serger sewing machine for the first time and, voila, it was pretty much a snap from there.

Well, actually it took me nearly 3 hours a night for three weeks to complete all the cutting, pinning, and sewing, but I was really proud of what I did. Here are some pictures of it:

Each girl gets 3 pads and 9 inserts, meaning that I helped 4 girls in Africa get a complete set with the work I did here. I LOVED doing this project, and I felt wonderful being able to help my fellow sisters have a more comfortable monthly experience.

Plus, now that I know how to make them, I'm tempted to make several for my 72-hour kit. After all, they're washable, reusable, and practical. Who could say no?

If you want to learn how to make these, or to help out, just click here to get more info: http://empowerwomeninafrica.com/get-involved/

A New Year's Resolution

Normally, when I make goals each year, I try to make them in the following areas:

• Physical
• Spiritual
• Financial

And, because I choose ONE goal for each area, I often am able to accomplish them pretty well. For instances, last year (for 2011) my goals were as follows:

Physical: Run a marathon in May. I did NOT accomplish this because, when I made the goal, I was injured. So, a month or so later this changed to: be able to run again. And that goal I did accomplish. In fact, I run 3 times a week, 2-3 miles each time, EVERY week. I've done this for six months and have only missed two days so far, over Christmas break when we were out of town.

Spiritual: Read the New Testament. I did most of this. I got stuck somewhere after Acts (I think it was in Ephesians??), but I did a pretty good job at working toward that one. I count it as accomplished.

Financial: Pay off my remaining student debt of $15,000, which we did. We sent our last check in on January 5, and I am thrilled that I am now, officially, debt free! Woot!

Having had a fairly successful year, I've decided my goals for this year (2012) will include the following:

Physical: Run a 5k in under 30 minutes. Speed, not distance, will be my bear to beat this year. I am running a 5k in April with my sister, in May with my brother, and probably in September (Bass Lake) and October (Susan G. Komen). There should be plenty of opportunity to increase my speed over the year, and test it at these races!

Spiritual: Study the scriptures for at least 30 minutes every day. So far, I'm right on track with this one and I'm loving it. At church in Utah there was a lesson on January 1 about devoting time to God. In the lesson the teacher discussed how each day is 24 hours long and, if we just give 24 minutes a day to scripture study then we are really only giving 100th of our time to the Lord. When she put it like that, it made it seem very doable, and so I have done it. I'm really enjoying the experience, too!

Financial: This one gets a bit tricky because there's a lot involved with it. We want to pay off two more, smaller, debts this year. And then we want to use the rest of the money to further our future a bit. Let's just say that by the end of the year we'll either have a baby (birthed or adopted, TBA) or a better car, and that's my financial goal right now.

BUT, in the midst of all these other things, I wish to add one more.

On Christmas Day, again in church, one of the speakers talked about the importance of having the true meaning of Christmas in your heart all year long. She asked, "So, what will you do to have Christ in your heart throughout the coming year?"

I thought a lot about this, for some reason. I kept thinking, "What is something I WILL be able to do, will WANT to do, and can bless the lives of others?" The more I thought about it, the more I thought about my hubby's family tradition of "Jesus Gifts." Every year his family makes a gift for a sibling, on the sly (like a homemade secret santa). Then, they exchange it on Christmas Eve. I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I could make Jesus Gifts for God's children every month this year, rather than just one for one family member?"

And, thus the idea was born: I am going to donate (at least) one item to charity every month of the year to make it 12 months of giving to others.

I decided, too, that the following are the rules for this goal:

1. Each donated item must be homemade on some level. Note: homemade can include making a meal or two for women in the ward, for example.
2. Each donated item must be completed within a month and sent to the appropriate place before a new one can be started.
3. Each month must involve a new/different charity than the months before.

This month, my charity is Empower Women in Africa. This is a beautiful Non-Profit that does extraordinary things to keep young African girls in school as long as possible. They do this by providing re-useable, fabric, feminine hygiene products to girls so they do not have to miss school and work during "that time" of the month. Please, check out their website - it is a beautiful organization and I could not be more delighted to be making these gifts for my sisters in need!!

Days 5, 6, and Today: 7

Day 7 (Today): I am grateful for my job. Sure, there are days I hate it. But, today I did not hate it. At the end of the night a student said, as she left, "I love this class." There was no irony, no sarcasm, just open and delighted honesty. It made me feel good - worthwhile - and like what I do matters, occassionally, to some students. I like that part of my job a lot: influencing people and making their lives better.

Day 6 (Sunday): I am grateful for a good cry, occassionally. I am also really grateful for General Conference talks, played while I cut Aaron's hair. They were exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear them.

Day 5 (Saturday): I am grateful for a husband who recognizes my sometimes inexplicable and otherwise unrecognizable needs. Tonight he saw that I needed to go to JoAnn's, so off we went to buy fabric. Then, in the store he noticed I was hungry (I did not feel hunger, mind), so off we went to Panda (yum!). He is very aware of me, and of my needs, and works very hard to make sure needs are met, even when those needs exist before I recognize they do!

Day 4: Meds

I am grateful for readily accessible and useful medicines: for anti-itch cream that I can rub all over the stupid allergic reactions I've been breaking out in for no explainable reason (pollen count today: low, so explain that), and for medicines that make bad things feel better.

I am also grateful for prescription meds when I get really, really sick. I'm not sick right now, but when I come down with some hideous bacterial bug, it's nice to know some sort of -cillin's got my back. Also, on a side note, whoever invented Diflucan should get a free pass into heaven. That stuff is a life saver. Just sayin' - when the need is there, I'm super happy to have access to the medication to make it all better.

Meds certainly make my life a lot more pleasant on a daily basis. Today is no exception, seeing as I'm having a headache. Bring on the ibutabs, people. Thank heavens for them.

Day 3: Mediocrity

Today, I am grateful for mediocrity. I am so glad that I can do lots of different things at a mediocre level rather than just one thing at a great level. This is because there are so many different things I enjoy doing, and I cannot imagine being pigeon-holed into one pursuit. I think that would be a very boring life.

So, here are just a few things I enjoy doing at the level of mediocrity:

Running, or more like jogging
Playing the piano
Playing the violin (this is a new one, so it's the very beginning of mediocrity)
Crocheting
Knitting
Quilting
Sewing
Acting
Cooking
Baking (the cheesecake I make is slightly more than mediocre, but otherwise, this fits here too)
Floral Design
Sketching
Using Photoshop
Teaching
Speaking Spanish

There is nothing quite like being mediocre, and I am so grateful today that I can be only mildly proficient in so many varied activities. It definitely makes my life more interesting, that's for sure!

Thankful For

I am going to really focus on what I am grateful for this month. I've done this before, but never online. So, here it goes:

Yesterday's (Day 1):

I am grateful for Alan, Aaron's brother (he's the one on the left in the above picture). I had a dream about him again two nights ago. He was twelve years old, and laughing a lot at a family get together. I thought, "Wow, Alan, that's weird. Why did you decide to be 12 today?" And then I thought about how I knew how he would sound when he was older, and what he would look like. I thought about how I was aware of the man he would become. His little chubby, round cheeks were rosey as he laughed and said, "Hey, Hey...Aaron?! Hey, Aaron!" with excitement, to my husband.

And then I woke up, and realized he was gone.

I felt so sad, but I also felt so grateful. I thought about him the entire day, like when my radio spontaneously turned on, or when a song he loved came on while I was showering. He used to BLAST his music from his iPod when he showered at our house. I thought about him when I watched a sci-fi film, and when I started the dishwasher. I felt happy that he is such a part of my life, even though he is no longer with us.


Today's (Day 2):

I am grateful for the smell of autumn. I opened the door last night to the most beautiful smell of burning fires. That was the smell of the air when we lived in Provo, just as the leaves were turning brown. It is a beautiful smell, and represents the season to me so much more than anything else. I love the air this time of year. It feels crisp, but not cold, and is so refreshing. I love the long walks with the dog, and the beautiful autumn sunsets. Fall is, easily, my favorite season. I am so grateful I live in a place that has seasons. I would miss the change in the weather.

Registered

I just wrote a long, beautiful piece about what motivated me to register for the half marathon. Then, the computer died.

Stupid computer.

Point being, I did it. I registered. I'm running the half (and walking as much as I need to).

I did it. I'm doing it.

Finally!

Hep Hep

Hooray!

I ran for 26 minutes straight today. I didn't stop to walk at all.

Definite victory and I felt AWESOME the whole time.

Easily one of my best runs E-V-E-R. In time, distance, speed, and how I felt.

Absolutely brilliant!!

:)

Better :)

I got up "early" this morning, meaning earlier than usual. After last night's blahs, I decided what I really needed was a run.

I was right.

I went to the gym and ran. In fact, I ran for 22 minutes straight - NON STOP. I do believe that's a record.

Or not.

I don't know. But, I felt like it was a record. So, I'm counting it.

And I want to say, "woot! woot!" without capitalizing them. Which is weird, as an English teacher, but there you go.

And now I feel awesome, like I could do anything.

So, maybe I will. After I eat breakfast, and after I shower.

I love being a runner.

Blah Blah Blah

This last weekend has been a hard one for me. I have really been struggling. In fact, lately I have been struggling in a variety of ways. So, I'm going to complain. Don't read if whining bugs you.

First, I am not well. I am not ill, but I am not well. I have a chronic sore throat after my horrifically long days of teaching. Then, something has bloomed in Fresno and it doesn't agree with me. I have been coughing hard at nights and in the mornings, such that Aaron said I sound like I have asthma (because the cough reminds him of Alex's cough as a kid). I feel tired, and my limbs feel heavy, even though I have been getting plenty of sleep.

Plus, my balance and spatial awareness seems to be off. Today I slammed a door into my toe (which still hurts, by the way, so it was a HARD hit), tripped over three chairs (no little shuffle, either), dropped my stainless steel water bottle (we're talking FLYING drop, water everywhere) on TWO separate occassions, and when I mis-said a word in class, I came out with a "Bloody Hell" of frustration in front of the students. What the...!? I never swear! So, something is just, well off, and I can't figure out what is going on!

Then, work has been particularly taxing. It's not that work has changed, but I am burned out on it and we're only in week 2 of 11 at one school, and week 3 of 8 at another. My schedule is only going to get busier, and all I can think about is how to get away from it. I spend hours during my teaching feeling like I am drudging through it. Perhaps it is the 14-hour days in front of the students, or perhaps it is just general burn out.

My coworkers haven't much helped with my "enjoyment" of work. More this quarter than ever before, they seem clique-ish and exclusive. Here's two special instances to illustrate this point:

1. It was lunch time. We were sitting there, eating our meals. The oldies, but goodies, were at one end, and the two younger ones (myself included) were at the other. After some time, where I was super stressed and involved in thought about how to get my sammy to not fall apart while I wolfed it down, the other girl suddenly said to me, "Oh, great, this is going to be the most boring quarter because all of the interesting people are at the other campus." Great. Nice to know I'm boring.

2. Every one of the female day instructors under the age of 40 had a matching lanyard today, but me. Someone took special time to point this out to me and said, "You should get one. I mean, let's face it...a BYU lanyard just doesn't cut it." Thanks, mean girl. Sorry I'm not a groupie. Kiss my, what?!

Anyhow, today I just punched in my card at work. As Aaron always says, "This, too, shall pass." It's true. With time things will sort themselves out. But, I just keep thinking about the R.S. lesson on Sunday about patience. I remember Sis. Van N. saying, "if patience is a virtue, I am NOT a virtuous woman," and I laugh. I think about the need for patience, and I am praying for it now because it is hard to see hope in the middle of hard things (even when those hard things are little hard things).

It's been a long day. Perhaps I'll go home and go to bed early. Or not. We'll see.

I'm planning a run tomorrow morning. I'll let you know how that goes.

There and Back Again

So...I have been a bit remisce in my writing, but since most of the people who read this blog are family (thanks for indulging me, you guys), and I've been remisce because I've been busy with family stuff, I haven't felt too bad about it.

Plus, I have been running - sort of. I have kept it up only about once a week in the midst of the craziness, but I have been glad to keep it up at least that much.

The first run of the last month, post-sickness, was with Kate. We ran up at Huntington Lake, and I nearly died. I was worried about that run because I had been sick recently and because I knew Kate likes to push her co-runners. It was probably the hardest run I've done, and I felt sick afterwards for a bit until I cooled down. Still, though, it was AWESOME to run in the mountains and I felt AWESOME for doing it afterwards.

Then, before I knew it, it was July 4th. My sister, Yvette, flew out to stay with us. While she was out here, we went to the gym once, ran on the streets once, AND went on a 9 mile hike in Yosemite.

Me, in Yosemite, in the stereotypical Ansel Adams place.

The hike involved a 1 1/2 hour bus trip to the top of Glaciar Point. Then, we hiked downhill for about 3 miles, uphill for about 1 mile, and back downhill the remaining 5 miles, past two waterfalls (because of the rain and increased winter melting, we thought we'd forgo the Mist Trail - too wet). We had quite the adventure on that little hike! On our way up the mountain we spotted a baby fawn frolicking with her Mama. Then, five minutes into the hike, we saw a Mama Bear and her two little cubs (DARLING, but scary). We also saw lizards galore and some pretty yellow and red birds. From the top of the mountain, we saw rain clouds chucking rain on us and heard very close thunder (also nerve racking), and we managed to walk through a lot of mud on the way down as a result. On the drive home, we happened to see two separate, lone coyotes. It was amazing!

By the end of the hike, it was dark and we were exhausted, but happy. It was such a beautiful, perfect day, in spite of the rain and the pain in my knees as a result.

Half Dome, as seen from the top of Glaciar Point - check out that sky!

Breathtaking.

 

The Mama Bear. Also breathtaking, in a different way.

 
Then, we went off to Utah. I didn't take pictures of it, so that's too bad. We drove to Utah, via the Shakespearean Festival, where we got to stop and watch a show with our friend Michael in it. It was good to see him again. After returning to my parents' house, we spent the next week working on school work, job applications, and sorting through a bunch of boxes.
 
I ran only once in Utah, and it was with Aaron. It is one of my BEST memories from the trip, actually, because Aaron ran right alongside me the entire way. I knew it was hard for him to slow himself down for me, but I was really grateful for it. Even though we did very little talking, it was motivating just to have him run beside me. Goodness, I love that man.
 
One week later, we were on the road again coming back to Fresno. This time, we drove straight through and arrived at 3am. Here's the thing about super long drives - I can't do them in a bra. So, at about Baker I became bra-less, figuring it didn't matter since only Aaron was in the car with me. After arriving and unpacking the car in Fresno, we went grocery shopping. The only problem was, in the midst of car unloading, I couldn't find the bra. So, Winco was interesting...3am, bra-less, totally delirious from exhaustion. Good times.
 
Anyhow, last week was a start week at Heald. It nearly killed us, or maybe it was just me. I'm now working 14 hour days, straight, on Mondays and Wednesdays. I lost my voice, and I've had allergies/coughing ever since our return. Welcome to the Central Valley, I guess.
 
Also this week, we had Alan move in with us! Hooray! He's been an absolute delight so far, keeping his space clean and organized, and even helping unload the dishwasher several times before I woke up (as a special surprise, I guess). It's been AWESOME having him here.
 
We've also had Adam and Karen visiting, too. They've been really nice, and it's been great to see them. We've had lunch and dinner with them a couple times, and last night they cooked this amazing, gourmet chinese meal with us. It was PHENOMENAL, and so much fun. We've also been playing a lot of Kubb at the park next door, which seems to have our neighbors confused. But, it's been really fun to spend so much time with family, and I feel very spoiled to be able to see them right now.
 
Now, if only I could get to bed earlier rather than staying up and hanging out (ha ha ha - like I am ever going to get to bed early, even if there wasn't socializing to do).
 
As far as exercise, I've only been running once since we got back, but it felt good. I was surprised at what a change came over me, mood-wise, just by running. Nice. I suppose it just goes to show that it's been a good thing to keep it up, even if I feel very behind where I should be physically. Oh well, at least I've been up to all sorts of other fun, good stuff. Surely, on the day of the half marathon, that's what's really going to count, right?? I hope so.

It Never Rains but it Pours

What a weekend.

We spent Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday morning working on the house. We painted the hall, painted the baseboards in most of the rooms, and painted pretty much every door in the house. We put in the new doorknobs, rearranged all the furniture that we'd had to move away from the walls to paint baseboards (including all our books and bookcases), deep cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, and then cooked a meal for 15 people. It was exhausting, and wonderful fun!

Then, Saturday afternoon I felt a bit nauseated. I wasn't too alarmed because I was a bit "late," as it were, and I was hopeful it was a sign of pregnancy (we're not trying, but we still wouldn't complain if things worked out). I thought this might be the case especially because the nausea went away when I ate.

On Sunday, I woke up with tummy distress (mild and lower digestive tract), but took Pepto and then felt fine. I put this distress down to the usual culprit: lack of sleep and stress.

Sunday's dinner went off without a hitch, and aside from being exhausted, I felt pretty good.

Late last night we went for a walk around the block because I haven't had a lot of time to exercise and I was eager to move my body. I didn't run because I was too exhausted and it was too late in the day. By the end of the walk, though, I felt properly nauseated. Putting it down to fatigue, again, we went to bed at 10pm (super early for us, especially considering the previous 3 nights we'd gone to bed at 2am - a whole 4 hours later).

At midnight, I woke up and vomited over and over. Then it came out the other end. I threw up four separate times in two hours, and found myself on the toilet another four times. At one point, I actually was thinking that a bullet seemed preferable to the pain. It was THAT BAD (and it was late, so I was feeling a bit dramatic). I was so exhausted, but I couldn't sleep laying down because I felt so sick. But, I was so tired I kept falling asleep sitting up on the toilet. In retrospect this was mildly funny, though at the time I was hardly laughing. In fact, I cried a lot.

I did sleep from 2-4am, but was up again for another 1-1.5 hours, on the toilet as well as dry-heaving/barfing AGAIN. This time, it was all just bile. Nothing else was left in me.

When I woke this morning at 6:45am (after a whopping hour and half of sleep), I felt like a parched fish on dry ground. I can't remember the last time I was so thirsty. Aaron's ice chips were a godsend, as was the Ginger Ale he ran to SaveMart to buy for me before he left for work at 7:30. He's such a lifesaver. I LOVE HIM!

Last night, as I was laying on the bathroom floor somewhere between sleep, illness, and wakefulness, I hoped this WASN'T pregnancy, because I would have seriously been wondering what I had done to myself.

Today, though, I took that thought back. Why? Because, in the middle of the fatigue, sickness, and inability to keep things down, I am having cramps - solid, hard, legitimate, painful cramps. I'm not late anymore. The worst part of it, too, is I can't take any ibuprofen to knock the pain (like I usually do) because I doubt I could keep it down (after all, ibuprofen is hard enough on the tummy on regular days, let alone on a day like today).

I just keep thinking about what Bryony would say in these situations: "Really? Really, Body? You can't be serious. This is NOT okay."

Really, though, and very seriously, Body, this is not funny and NOT fun.

The only good news is that it should all be over before the cabin trip this weekend. Now, I just hope that Aaron doesn't get sick, especially while backpacking in the mountains with his brothers. Keep him in your prayers because that would be sheer misery.

Still, I may take some soda, crackers, and soup up to the cabin, just in case. It always pays to be prepared, after all, because you never know when there will be another downpour.

A Break

So, I've sort of been taking a break from running the last few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm still exercising, but not running as much. Here's why:

Two weekends ago my family bought last minute tickets to San Francisco for the weekend. So, we rented a car (for super cheap, actually) and drove up to meet them. While there, we went to Alcatraz, Ghiradelli Square, the Wharf, Lombard Street, and the play Wicked. We also ate some really good Thai food, with Pumpkin Curry (YUM!).

Then, my mom came back to Fresno with us. She spent a week with us, mostly relaxing, reading, and napping while we slaved away at work (tough life for her, eh?) ;).  It wasn't all play, though, we went for a morning exercise walk together several times, and she helped me completely reorganize my kitchen so it is, now, a functional space. It's much more intuitive to use now, and I LOVE IT!

After she left on Saturday, we went to a friend's house for a movie marathon, then came home and quickly cleaned before we babysat some cute kiddos (three of them, ages 5, 2, and .5) from 5-10pm.

Sunday I had a great morning run. It was difficult, though, mostly because it was SO HOT outside. I started running about 8:30, and by then it was already in the 80s. Way too hot to run. That night we did homework, because our ox was in the mire, and then we were back to the grind on Monday.

This week has been busy, too, what with house preparations for the family coming into town this weekend.

But, today I finally went running again: 5 minute walk, 21 minute run, 5 minute walk, and it wasn't even hard. In fact, my knee pain was non-existant. The thing about this, too, is that I was having knee pain last Sunday when I ran outside in the heat. Then, based off a recommendation in Runner's World magazine, I started to lengthen my stride to its fullest. I dug deep, ran fast and hard, and stretched my stride out completely. I was FLYING. And, the best part was that my knee immediately stopped hurting.

So, today I ran faster on the treadmill. I kept the pace for the entirety of the 21 minutes.

WOOHOO!

The best news in all of this is that, despite my busyness, I haven't lost much of my fitness. I've only lost training time - a week and a half of it. But, hey, it was TOTALLY worth it, and I'd do it all again!

Dedication of a Lifetime

What a week of successes! Rather than run you through everything I did this week (which might bore you to tears), I'll just hit the training highlights from the week.

Tuesday
I ran my farthest run yet: 4.17 miles. I walked 5, ran 20, walked 5, ran 15.

Saturday
I ran for the LONGEST time running in a row (without stopping). I walked 5, ran for 30 MINUTES, and then walked 5. I felt Awesome afterwards. It was my best run yet!!

Monday
Today I walked 5, ran 20, walked 5, ran 13 for a distance of 4:11 miles. The run was hard, but I feel glad I got out and did it.

My right knee is beginning to bother me again. I've been wondering whether I should do more cross-training on it - weight lifting, elliptical, etc - to strengthen the muscles around the knee. I probably should, but I'm finding it hard to be motivated.

In fact, I'm generally finding it hard to be motivated to run. I think these are the reasons:

1. Running takes a lot of time. It takes me 30 minutes to get ready, and then I exercise for between 40 and 60 minutes. Then, after exercising, I stretch for another 30 minutes. Plus, it takes me 15 minutes each way to and from the gym. This works out to be about a 2-3 hour activity every day that I do it. That's a lot of time out of the day gone, which limits my ability to do other things. I find this limit frustrating, and often wish there were more time in my day.

2. Running is beginning to feel routine and boring. Admittedly, hitting the treadmill over and over again isn't the most interesting thing in the world. This is especially true when all that's playing on the TV's at the gym is news, SportsCenter, soap operas, and 1980's music videos. PLEASE. I need some new places to run, I think.

3. I feel like I'm not making very fast progress. I feel like I go, and I pound out the time on the treadmill, but I am not progressing. The truth is (and I have to admit this, because I can see it on my Nike+ and in the above stats) I am making progress, but it is slower than I would like. This has always been the case with me. When I was little and learning how to play the piano, I wanted to immediately play like a professional. I find it annoying that all good talents take time to grow. I suppose my greatest tragic flaw would have to be impatience.

I suppose running is teaching me lots of lessons. It's teaching me to prioritize what is and is not important (more so than usual). It is also showing me just how important variety is to my life - too much of the same thing can ruin a great thing. But, perhaps it is showing me most of all the importance of consistency and patience as I progress.  My bishop shared a really great quote the other day. I wanted to share it with you. It really sums up this major lesson that running has been teaching me. It states:

"What we need is not short frenzied outburst of emotion,

but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime."

- Elder Dallin H Oaks, "Dedication of a Lifetime,"

CES Fireside for Young Adults, 1 May 2005.

New Shoes + No Knee Pain = Renewal

It's been one of those weeks. I had a dream earlier this week that I flipped people off, which thing I have never done before in real life. I found it very satisfying. By the end of the week, I was thinking just how satisfying the dream actually was, and how I needed an outlet like it again.

I realized, when I felt this way, that I needed to go running. The last few weeks I haven't been very good about running regularly. I ran a couple times, casually, in Utah before the 5k, but with limited distance or limited running. Then I did a 5k, which went really well. You might have thought this would have motivated me. It didn't.

When I came back from the trip to Utah, I was exhausted and my schoolwork was at a peak. I had, and still have, so much to do that I was feeling discouraged about it all. I determined that I would sacrifice my running to catch up. I did, still, run twice that week back.

Then, this last week, I felt angry. I felt angry at my job, and the world in general, and at the work load that I was still carrying. I felt buried, like I would never catch up. And, I felt martyred because I wasn't even able to go running.

That's it! I thought, I'm going running anyway!

So, on Thursday I did. And, it went okay but it wasn't an amazing workout. Mostly, at the end, I felt frustrated that I wasn't where I was a few weeks ago, and angry that I hadn't been running. I felt discouraged and was beginning to wonder if all of this running wasn't just a waste of time.

What's more, after Thursday's run my right knee was killing me. This was concerning since I had run less than the 5k I'd run in Utah. Had I really lost so much of my training in so short a time??

Friday I went running again. I admit that, going in with the level of discouragement that I felt from the day before, plus the residual knee pain, I had already mentally determined it wouldn't be an amazing run. And, well, it wasn't. I ran/walked 5 minutes on and off for about 25 minutes. Then, I stopped, stretched, and went home.

I felt like I was failing, and sinking.

Friday night was a fantastic date night - farmer's market, amazing dinner at Hunan, and relaxing evening in. I was up late, so I took Saturday off from running. I slept in, I took a nap, I got some papers graded, I had some time with my book club ladies, and I recharged a bit. I only did stuff if, and when, I felt like it. It was lovely, and it changed my attitude.

By Saturday night I was sitting, reading through Runner's World again, and feeling like a proper runner. I began to see myself as successful. I even dreamt last night that I was trying out for the Olympics with a good chance at getting selected (hahaha). But, point is that even my subconscious was onboard again.

This morning, in an effort to defeat the knee pain, I decided it was time to do away with my old shoes and try on the new ones. If I still felt knee pain after today's run, I decided, I would go buy some different shoes and try to cross train more.

So, I strapped my new shoes on (or, at least my new version of the same-old Saucony shoes that I love), and went running. It was a beautiful, cool, breezy day. The streets were mostly empty. The sun was shining and keeping me warm, and I had a great, successful, energizing run. Afterwards, my knee didn't even complain once. It was lovely.

It also made me realize just how important patience and determination really are as I work toward this goal. It is so easy to get discouraged. It is so easy to come up with reasons not to do things. And, it is so easy to let my mind determine the quality of my running - even for the worse. Sometimes I really do have to be patient with my body, and maintain a determination that I will not defeat myself. Ever.

Thoughts on Epitaphs

So, I didn't run today. But, that's okay.

Instead, I worked at Heald. I like working there. It has great students.

While I was working, I came across an article, written in the Spring 2009 Edition of RECAP: California Alliance of Paralegal Associations. In the article, by Melvin E. Irvin, he states the following.

"During the American Revolution, the American Pastor, Dr. Vernon Johnson, said, 'Be ashamed to die until you have done something good for mankind'. When I read those words, I asked myself, what have I done for mankind that is good?

"I have told many close friends that my goal in life is to earn a very simple Epitaph for my tombstone. 'He was a good man'."

I read this, and I thought about what he had said. I thought about all the tombstones I have read at the local cemetary as I exercised there. I thought about the book I just read, called The Graveyard Book (which was pretty good, actually).

Mostly, though, I thought about how it is a noble goal to want to earn an epitaph that states you WERE a good man, but what if humanity worked to earn this epitaph instead:

"He is the best of men."

Not that there's anything wrong with being good, but isn't there always something better we can become? And what's with the "was" on the headstone? It suggests that, after this life, we no longer have to be good.

I don't know about you, but I plan on continuing after this life, and I hope death doesn't cause me to stop being my best, and doing good for others. That would be a shame, indeed.

This said, though, it got me thinking about epitaphs. What is it that I hope my headstone reads at the end of my days?

Honestly, I hope that on my headstone it will say this: "She loved everyone she met, and they knew it."

What the ????

Today's run wasn't much of a run.

I ran on Tuesday for 20 straight minutes, and felt awesome, but today I felt sick.

I felt really, really dizzy, for the second time this week. It's been crazy. Monday I felt so bad I had to sit while I lectured. Then, today I felt so ill that I was having a hard time driving to and from the gym (because everything was spinning). I don't think it was super safe, but I was driving slowly and carefully, and I made it just fine.

I can't figure what the problem is, though. I think it's been brought on by pluggage (sure, it's a word...) in my ears from allergies. I've been really sneezy lately, and keep breaking out in itchy allergic reactions to crap in the air. Definite allergy season.

Anyhow, so today I felt so dizzy that I mostly walked instead of ran. I'd walk 2 minutes, run for 1. I did that for about 20 minutes, and then got off. It was so NOT a workout that I felt like I didn't even need to stretch afterwards. But, at least I got out and did something.

The major highlight of the exercise (not in a good way, either) was the woman who looked absolutely skeletal. I mean, SERIOUSLY skeletal. I saw each individual rib cage bone - by her neckline. Where her breasts should have been, there was nothing - just mosquito bites. Instead of cleavage, peeking out over the top of her exercise shirt were the deep, jagged ruts of ribs. Her body had practically NO fat on it, such that I could see individual muscle groups and tendons in her body, and clearly make out where they linked with her bones. It was truly disgusting.

She, meanwhile, was chatting with another runner and showing off muscle groups. She seemed proud of how she looked, even though she looked ill.

I wondered, as I looked at her, if this is what elite runners looked like in real life. It was anything BUT attractive.

Still, though, it made me remember something very important: I run to gain fitness, not to be thin. Running to be thin can lead a person to be too thin, and that is not what I want.

I want to be fit and flexible. I want to be devastatingly sexy. Is that so wrong?

Saving Ta-Ta's

Today, I ran a 5k race

in 36:25.

That's my fastest time, ever.

Not too shabby, not too shabby at all.

It was a sunny, cool day. I ran with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two nephews. The atmosphere there was AWESOME. People were all dressed up in crazy fashions, and running/walking in support of someone with breast cancer. There were over 18,000 people there today, running & walking. Many of those were wearing shirts in dedication to people who had been diagnosed with the disease. It was humbling to realize just how prolific breast cancer actually is, and it was inspiring to see so many out there running to honor the memories of those they loved, and to support those now suffering from it.

For me, the run wasn't entirely easy. At one point I was really struggling to run, so I had stopped to walk. I was feeling a bit discouraged because, at that point, my nephews had completely passed me up. Just then, a bald woman started to run past me. She was wearing a pink survivor shirt and bib. I picked it up and started to jog next to her. I asked her if I could run with her for a bit. She said yes. We trotted along for a short distance, and chatted. She said she had been a runner before her diagnosis, and that she had, prior to diagnosis, arranged to run a half marathon next week. She said, "When I was diagnosed, I thought about quitting the half, but then I decided I wasn't going to let cancer stop me from running it."

Her name is Kim, and she was my inspiration today. Particularly because, even with cancer, she completely outran me. When I stopped to walk, she turned and said, as she ran ahead, "I'm going to see how far I can keep going. I want to keep going."

I hope she keeps going, too. I'm praying for you, Kim, wherever you are.

One of my favorite parts of running today was the t-shirts people wore. Here are a few highlights:

"Save Second Base"

"Tammi's Rack Pack"

Shirt worn by two men: "We stare because we care."

Shirt worn by a survivor: "Of course they're fake. The real ones tried to kill me."

Hilarious. I don't think I've ever laughed so much through a race.

I felt awesome; I felt proud of the kids; I felt happy.

I feel happy.

What an honor that my running can help raise money for such a worthy cause.

Running @ Home

I'm still visiting good ol' K-town. The family is all working today, and I didn't make any plans (which is why I'm already behind in my to do list - typical). Still, because I didn't have to be anywhere by a certain time, I had time to run. So, of course, I went down to the local cemetary to do this.

I love the cemetary here in town. A lot of people find it freaky to run around graves and headstones, but I think it is very peaceful. I remember once, as a child, telling my mom that I was afraid of the cemetary (which we always called "the graveyard" in my family - adding to the fear factor, I guess). She looked at me, stunned, and said, "Why? The cemetary is peaceful. It's a place of final rest. It's like being among many sleeping, happy, contented people. I think it's beautiful."

I was never afraid there again.

Today, I kept getting a stitch in my side as I ran. I don't know if it's lack of electrolytes, or lack of oxygen. Whatever the reason, it was LAME. But, it made me slow down and walk more than usual, which allowed me more time to reflect on things (rather than gasp for air in this 4,000 feet above sea level place). I noticed the pretty Rocky Mountains, capped with snow, and blanketed in light fog. It was cold today - 35 degrees Fahrenheit - and you could smell the wood smoke from local chimneys in the air, mingled with the crisp smell of high mountain pine trees.

I felt sad that I wasn't able to run more than I did, but I was happy that I ran/walked 3.14 in 45 minutes, with not too much muscle effort (aside from my lungs, which were struggling). With a little luck, and some blessings, I may very well be on my way to a PR for Saturday's 5k, even in altitude. Miraculous.

All in all, though, it was a beautiful exercise. The whole time ran, I just kept hearing what my sister said after she moved back from California years ago. She said, "You know, I'm just not a California girl. I love the ocean. I love the sun. But, when it comes down to it, I'm just a traditional, Rocky Mountain girl, and proud of it."

And, you know, I couldn't have said it better myself.