Eternal Youth is Worth a Little Suffering

First, the good news: Yesterday I ran a 9 minute mile, then walked for 5 minutes, and ran non-stop for another 3/4 of a mile.

Now, the truth: Yesterday's run was HARD.

I had to stop before finishing the second mile because I was experiencing so much pain. I pushed through it as long as I could, but then had to stop. The only problem was that I had to walk home, half-doubled over and upset to my stomach. I was ill for almost 30 more minutes after I got home, though the nausea did eventually pass.

I have no explanation for this. I hadn't done anything differently as far as eating, and I had been hydrating as usual.

Weird.

It was psychologically rough, though, because I had been feeling so successful, and then WHAM, I suddenly felt sick, sick, sick. It made me start to question my goals. I started to wonder, "is this really wise to be running and pushing myself like this?"

I know, though, that it is wise, and it is worth it. It was worth it to be able to say I'd run so far, so quickly. Yesterday I ran my fastest mile time EVER, achieving an obvious PR.

Totally worth it.

Squashing Personal Devils

Today I woke up and went running. I have to be honest that I didn't really want to. In fact, I had already started the negative self-talk BEFORE I even walked out the door. This was a problem.

On Tuesday, when I woke up, I kept telling myself that I could run. I could do this. I was going to prove negative talkers wrong. It was all positive talk.

Today, however, I woke up thinking about how hard this was going to be. I kept telling myself, "you're too tired," or "you're going to injure yourself," or, "stop trying to say you're a runner. You know you're not," or "don't you have better things to be doing?"

I felt like Kronk, and I didn't know what to believe.

But, I persevered. I got out, and I ran.

It was a tougher run because I was fighting against myself mentally. I kept hearing that shoulder devil saying, "Go ahead and stop. You're tired. You don't have to push yourself. No one will know if you stop and walk. Just walk. After all, 12 minutes is SO long."

"Quiet," I replied, "I can do this. I did it on Tuesday."

"Yeah," said the devil, "but that was just a fluke. You're more tired today. You can't repeat it."

I began to feel defeated. Finally I said to myself, "NO. YOU WILL NOT STOP. RUN, RUN, RUN. Focus on something else! Don't think about your breathing, or your body, or the pain. Think of something ELSE. ANYTHING. Just RUN, RUN, RUN. YOU WILL NOT STOP!!"

I didn't stop. I ran the whole time.

Today's log: 12 minutes, 4.4 mph, 1.3 miles.

Take that, stupid shoulder devil. Take that!

Sparkly Success

I have decided that today I earned a big gold star. My run achieved a personal milestone and blasted pass a previous personal record!

Today, I ran 12 minutes straight, and nearly an entire mile in that time (according the the treadmill, which is not particularly reliable about distance, actually)! It's not fast, but who cares?? It's as good as I was running in the sixth grade, so that's not too bad. Plus, I'm not in this for the speed. I'm in it for the successful feeling I get after I finish.

It just goes to show that we are capable of so much more than we ever thought possible.

Years ago, I never would have thought myself capable of doing any running. I hated it. Gym was my WORST class at school, and I avoided working out like the plague. Then, I got some great advice from my sister, Tonya, who told me how to breathe when I ran so I didn't feel like I was going to die. I tried it out. I discovered that it was hard, but that I wasn't going to die. More importantly, I discovered that I loved doing it, and that I craved doing more. I ran and ran, and got fit.

Then, when I didn't run for months, I thought that was it - I was going to never regain any fitness. I did half-hearted workouts, occassionally. I was mostly trying to console myself. I kept remembering all the people who told me I would never be athletic, or thin, or fit, or strong. Because I remembered what they said, I believed them and chose to agree - which was the worst crime I could commit against myself.

Then, my sister-in-law issued a challenge to run a half marathon in January, which she gives training advice for here, if you care to read it. I decided to test her no-walk theory, and before I knew it, I was jogging without stopping, and loving it. I'm still thinking the half marathon over. But, it made me realize three things:

1. We never achieve the things we never truly reach for.
2. If I reach halfway, that's what I'm going to get.
3. I cannot let another define what I am capable of.

So, I got out, and I ran today to prove them all wrong. It's true, reading my book sounded better in the moment. But, I'm a feisty, stubborn woman, and I was determined to prove all those memories in my head wrong. I was going to prove to myself that I can be what I want to be, not what they said I had to be.

The run was easier than I thought. Now, having run, I feel physically awesome. More importantly, though, it feels remarkable to remember that I am in control of my fate. I set my own limitations.

For that, I think I totally deserve a gold star!

The Grim Truth

Okay, true confessions:

I haven't really been exercising since my last post. Sigh. I have fallen into the trap of "I don't have time," or "I'm too tired," or, well, generally making excuses.

Mostly, we've been vacationing since I last wrote. It was a delightful couple of months roaming around Utah and California, playing with the family. I'm going to write about it on my other blog. You can read it here, if you care to. (This said, if I keep making excuses, I may not get around to writing it. Oh well.)

Since I last wrote, though, I have been thinking a lot about exercising. I've been thinking how I should do it, but I didn't want to. I've been thinking about how I probably ought to not eat the double-scoop ice cream and really ought to get out and exercise. But, then I'd think how it was dark, or I'd just eaten, or we were up in the mountains, or I didn't know where my shoes were anyhow, so "not now." I'd leave it at that.

Finally, we went on our last trip, for a while, up to Huntington Lake. I had sort of exercised the week before. I had gone running once, and then had taken a hike and a bike ride (neither of which was strenuous, but I was reaching here anyhow). There we were, sitting in the cabin, watching television. We don't normally watch television, because we can't be bothered to get the box for it, and I refuse to pay for cable. Plus, mostly it's trashy stuff anyhow, is too addicting, and distracts me from other fun things. Anyhow, we were on vacation, so watching television was a real treat for us. We sat down with our apples and caramel and what did we watch? The Biggest Loser Finale. Oh, the irony.

I sat there, and I watched those people work their butts off, as I enjoyed my caramel goodness and personal pedicure, and I thought to myself, "It's time I stopped procrastinating and making excuses."

So, I stopped (after I finished the caramel, of course).

Today I went for a run. I want to tell you it was amazing, and it was. It was amazing to get back out there and move my body. I feel more amazing now than I have felt in weeks. I've decided to eat better (I had a dinner of cheetos, cold cereal and grapes yesterday - not exactly a balanced diet) again, and to get out to exercise more. This is because the truth is I feel happier, more at peace, and less critical of the world around me when I have my zen time on the track.

I had exercised today, and I came into work to sit down and grade papers (something else I've been procrastinating in all my gallivanting around this summer). I sat down to check my e-mail, and had received these two articles in my box:

The first, which you can read here, is about physical activity for the elderly (including people who weren't active, and became active) and how it can actually DOUBLE your chances of living a longer life. Pretty incredible stuff.

The second article, which you can read here, talks about how only 8% of Americans are not at risk for developing heart disease in their lifetimes. 8%. Let that number sink in for just a second and you will see that Americans are in serious trouble. No wonder everyone wants free health care - we're all going to be dying from heart disease and needing the government to help foot the bill.

The good news? At least the healthy people won't have to worry about the government running out of social security money.

I know. Grim.

Still, the point is the same. Whatever your situation, wherever you are, and whatever you do: get out today and MOVE your body. Exercise. Delight in the movement of you physical self. Discover that there's more to you than just sitting, staring at a screen (a computer or a television), and eating.

Trust me. I loved the show and I loved the caramel, but they were nothing compared to today's runner's high.

Sneaky Time Run

This morning, I woke up before Aaron. It's remarkable because I went to be nearly an hour after he did. I don't know why, but I feel all energized and excited for the day!

Because he was still sleeping, I was really sneaky. I managed to get out of bed, get dressed, let the dog out, and leave a note, without Aaron waking up. I even went out our very squeaky front door twice, and he didn't budge until I'd been gone for nearly 20 minutes!

Of course, I wasn't trying to escape. I just wanted to go running while letting the tired guy sleep.

Because it's summer, it really goes without saying that it's another boiling day here in Fresno. But, at least the A/C was working in the exercise room by the office (someone happened to turn it on yesterday while she was leaving. . . wonder who that was?!?). Another bonus - there was no latina rap videos. I decided to be prepared, and I turned on something mindless in case Ms. ipod-in-her-ear-who-will-still-turn-on-the-TV-just-to-be-annoying decided to come back. At least that way she would be subjected to MY television, rather than the other way around. Regardless, she didn't return and I was relieved.

The run went about as planned. 1.8 miles in 30 minutes. It's nothing fancy, and it's terribly slow, but at least I did it! I didn't stretch yesterday, so my body is sore, sore, sore today (also a result of too little exercise for too long. I've gone soft). My fault, and I know it. So, I spent extra time stretching this afternoon, although my dog was really excited that I was on the floor with him and he kept bugging me for a nice ear scratch. Still, after a good stretch, some doggy belly rubs, and a cold shower to cool off my muscles, I feel great!

Today is one more for the success board! Only 308 more days to go!

Shoulda Woulda Coulda, Gatorade

Today's run was a nice, toasty, 81°F. That was on the treadmill, INSIDE the building. Outside, it's a balmy 105°F. Ugh (and sweaty). This brings up an interesting point - why do people feel the need to turn off the air conditioner in the exercise room?! I find that very aggravating.

I also discovered something interesting today - I should be careful not to run in 81°F weather, inside a stuffy building, having not eaten for nearly four hours, while watching some fellow-exercise-chick's trashy latina rap music videos. This is because the combination resulted in getting shaky, nearly passing out, and general feelings of, "yuck - did the music video really just show all that to me on an empty stomach, or did the sweat running down my forehead somehow distort the picture?" Either way, I remembered why I hated rap, why I don't like watching television, and why I never was much of a music video afficionado. Oh, yeah, and that I need to bring candies to suck on when I go running (or gatorade), so I don't wobble home with the shakes.

In other news, the countdown is on. Next year's Ogden Marathon is set for May 15, 2010. Registration starts on October 1, 2009.

I'm going to run it!!

Anyone who wants to join me is welcome to (I would be THRILLED if you did, but don't be upset if I run my own pace and don't aim to "win" it. This is, after all, my first marathon. My goals are as follows: 1) to FINISH it, not to be the next surprise Olympian; and 2) to enjoy it.). From what I've heard, it's mostly downhill (so bad knees beware), but it's one of the most beautiful marathons in America. My sister's friend has run over 50 marathons throughout the U.S. He said that, of all the marathons, this was his favorite one. He runs it every year. I couldn't have received a better recommendation! So, I'm doing it.

Next year, this will be me (okay maybe not breaking the tape, but I will be crossing the finish line):

So, if several hours of pounding your body into a pulp after months of training, and doing so downhill on a beautiful course for $70 sounds fun to you, too, go here to find out how to join in!
I must be a glutton for punishment.

Regardless, as of today, the countdown is on: exactly 10 months until race day (44 weeks and 2 days, for a total of 310 days).

Admittedly, I've been remisce. I haven't run for a long time, and I haven't put my umph into it like I ought to have. But, I'm not going to "should" on myself. Instead, I'm looking forward. The good news in, I've cut back on work. So, I've discovered something fantastic - I have time to run now!

Here's my plan:

Month 1: Work to be able to run for 30 minutes straight (this shows just how remisce I've been if I can't do this any more. A month ought to be plenty of time to get things back up to par).

Month 2: Increase running speed to 5k in 30 minutes (again, no comment - just improvement).

Following this, I am going to pretty much follow the 16 week plan in The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer, by Whitsett, Dolgener, and Kole. There's plenty of time, so I can even spend 2 weeks on each one of their 1 week plans (knowing me, I'll need the extra time). Whatever happens, I'll keep you posted on the details when I get running with them.

In the meantime, today's run should have been easy, but the heat made it hard. That's good, though. Any time that I can discover how I handle difficult situations, it's a good thing. In this case, this meant going through the alphabet and assigning each letter a positive word to get me through the last two minutes of the run.

Most importantly of all, though, is that I've chalked up one day of success. Now, only 309 more to go (and counting!).

La Tortuga

This week I had a random running experience.

I probably ought to preface this by saying that lately, for whatever reason, I've felt a bit down. I don't know if it's exhaustion from all the months of endless teaching, or if it's actually boredom with the mundane realities of life. Still, I was feeling a bit down this particular morning. I suppose it didn't really help that, besides feeling down, I was tired and trying to get rid of yucky feelings from a terrible nightmare I had awakened from.

Unable to sleep, I sat down and flipped open the Ensign from a couple of months ago. Inside there was an article about reading scriptures. I don't remember exactly what was said, but basically it was something like, "As you read the scriptures, your spirit will find peace and healing."

'Great!' I thought to myself, 'I've found the solution to calm me down so I can maybe get some rest and feel better about things!'

So, I picked up my Bible. It fell open to 1 Corinthians 9:24, which reads, "Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself. What were the chances that, on a day when I was feeling badly about not running, I would read the one scripture on running?! The laughter was what I needed, though, to get through my personal funk. I felt better having had a little chuckle, but mostly I realized that I was doing the best I could, and that the Lord was really proud of me for running. I felt like this was God's way of saying, "Keep up the good work, girl. I know you can do it, and you'll be great."

Later, when I told Aaron this story, I went back and read the scripture again. Only, this time I didn't stop reading. I finished the chapter, which reas as follows:

25 And every man that striveth for the master is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.
26 I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air:
27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

I knew, in that moment, my training had begun in earnest. I was determined that I would not run merely with the purpose of winning the race (because it is so uncertain, as Paul says), but rather I would run to bring my body into subjection. I would run because with each step I prove that my body is not in control of me. With each step I prove I have the power to make my body stronger and to be a ruler over both its complaining and its appetites.

So, flash forward to today. With the summer heat this last week I can't help but feel lethargic. It is so hot in Fresno that it makes it difficult to WANT to do anything but take long naps and read books in a shaded hammock - indoors! (Forget outside. Who wants to be outside in this heat, even in a shaded hammock?)

Today was no exception to this. I wanted to take a lovely nap, especially since I was rudely awakened this morning by a telephone call while Aaron was in the shower. I knew, however, that if I took a nap I would feel too stressed later with grading and other obligations to justify a run. I would sacrifice what I wanted for what was expected of me. When it comes to running, I hate doing that.

So, since I hadn't run since Monday, I decided to stay awake as long as I could. Remarkably, I lasted the whole afternoon and through one set of major papers. Then, to my own surprise, I no longer felt sleepy. I got up, got changed, and went running.

That was my first great success of the day!!

It was another treadmill day today. This last week I told my classes I was running. I had a student tell me that it was a mistake to run on the treadmill because the machine does over half the work. He said that I wouldn't gain the kind of muscles necessary for actual street running.

This may be the case, but he's crazy if he thinks I'm running when it's 100+ frickin' degrees outside. I'm not that stupid. So, I ran on the treadmill. Here's today's accomplishment (applause!):

5 minute warm-up walk

5 minute run

2 minute walk

3 minute run

3 minute walk

3 minute run

3 minute walk

3 minute run

3 minute cool-down walk

Total running time: 30 minutes

Total treadmill mileage: 2 miles (!!!)

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I feel really good about that! My speed and time running both seem to be improving. I probably could have pushed myself harder today than I did, but I didn't really want to. Sure, the training has started in earnest. But, for now it's enough to me just to be running. The time will come when running becomes about pushing my physical limits again, but for now it is merely about pushing myself to get out and run.

I remind myself that it's important to not push too hard this early on. As the Lord put it, "So run, that ye may obtain." Notice, it doesn't say, "So drive your body into the ground until you wish you were dead, that ye may obtain." After all, slow and steady wins the race; consequently, in the end I'd much rather be the tortoise, and not the hare.

Choices

Today was a hard day of training. It was hard because I had to make a hard decision: do I run, or not?

When I went to the exercise room, there was a man already using the treadmill. He said he'd be 25 more minutes, when I asked him. Keep in mind, I'm in Fresno right now and it's a HOT Memorial Day. I may be a runner, but I'm not crazy enough yet to run outside at 2pm. So, I went home, and decided to eat some lunch because I was really hungry. It wasn't a huge meal. It's just, I can't run after I've eaten. I have to wait a whole hour, or I get sick. Ugh. So, an hour and a half later, I tried again. This time, there were TWO people in the exercise room - one on a treadmill.

Here it was: decision time. I could turn around, go home and call it quits for the day, or I could bite the bullet and exercise on the ellyptical until Mr. Running-Pants got off the machine. I decided to do the ellyptical. Fifteen minutes later, and seriously sweating because I'm not an ellyptical girl, the guy got off the treadmill and I finally had my chance. By this point, though, I was feeling a bit tired. So, here's what I did:

15 minutes on the ellyptical (670 calories burned - haha. I doubt the machine was accurate).
5 minute warm-up walk
3 minutes running
3 minutes walking
3 minutes running
5 minute cool-down walk

Total exercise time: 34 minutes
Total treadmill time: 19 minutes
Total distance ran/walked: 1.38 miles

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After I came home, I stretched (which is a BORING activity, if you ask me, but necessary). To help pass the time I read an article from a magazine. Overall, it was a pretty straightforward piece about talents and choices. One part stood out, though. The article said, "Our choices have the undeniable power of transforming our lives."

Of course, I knew this before I read the article. But, the statement got me thinking about what the results of that transformation are. I began to ask myself the following questions:

1. How are my choices tranforming my life?
2. Is that transformation for good, or is it for ill?
3. Beyond their affect upon me, how are my choices transforming the lives of others?
4. Are those transformations for good, or ill?
5. What can I do today to ensure that my choices always transform my life, and the lives of others, for good?

I know, perhaps a bit deep for a blog. Still, it really got me thinking. Suddenly, I was really glad I had exercised. I sat there and thought, "Well, if nothing else, I ran today - that's a good transformation. That's right, I ran today."

I almost wimped out when faced with a teeny challenge, but in the end I didn't. That choice today, and the many future choices to run in the face of any challenges, will continue to transform my life for the better. If I'm sure of nothing else, I'm sure of that.

Every Marathon Begins with One Step.

What a glorious day! I feel positively reborn!

One of the schools I've been teaching at is now closed, so I have a bit more time on my hands. This week, I spent that time sleeping and trying to remind myself what my face looks like without dark, deep circles imprinted underneath my eyes. So, today I slept in and I took a nap. It was a lovely thing.

But, I've been missing something more in my life lately: exercise. I haven't exercised for at least two months. So, when my sister called me on the phone today and told me she'd been running, I felt a surge of desire to get back to the fitness scene.

That's right, today I ran for the first time in months and it felt GOOD. My running has, to say the least, suffered in the last two months. Still, I was proud of myself for starting to run again after so long. Now, after running, all I can feel is complete joy and satisfaction - I've rested, and I've rejuvenated. It's fantastic.

Today's run served one simple purpose: do it. So, I didn't want to kill myself. Here's what I did:

5 minute warm-up walk
3 minute run
3 minute walk
3 minute run
5 minute walk
3 minute run
3 minute walk
3 minute run
2 minute cool-down walk

Total running time: 30 minutes

Total distance: 1.86 miles

The weird thing is, the run itself wasn't terrible. It was the tingling running down the back of my behind and around each thigh that was, well, itchy. It felt like my nerves and blood vessels were waking up after a long, long sleep.

And, you know, that's just how I feel today, too. I feel awake after months of dark sleep; I feel alert and alive; I feel happy to be alive. Most of all, though, I feel happy to remember that I am a runner.

Did you hear that, World? I AM A RUNNER!