Better :)

I got up "early" this morning, meaning earlier than usual. After last night's blahs, I decided what I really needed was a run.

I was right.

I went to the gym and ran. In fact, I ran for 22 minutes straight - NON STOP. I do believe that's a record.

Or not.

I don't know. But, I felt like it was a record. So, I'm counting it.

And I want to say, "woot! woot!" without capitalizing them. Which is weird, as an English teacher, but there you go.

And now I feel awesome, like I could do anything.

So, maybe I will. After I eat breakfast, and after I shower.

I love being a runner.

Dedication of a Lifetime

What a week of successes! Rather than run you through everything I did this week (which might bore you to tears), I'll just hit the training highlights from the week.

Tuesday
I ran my farthest run yet: 4.17 miles. I walked 5, ran 20, walked 5, ran 15.

Saturday
I ran for the LONGEST time running in a row (without stopping). I walked 5, ran for 30 MINUTES, and then walked 5. I felt Awesome afterwards. It was my best run yet!!

Monday
Today I walked 5, ran 20, walked 5, ran 13 for a distance of 4:11 miles. The run was hard, but I feel glad I got out and did it.

My right knee is beginning to bother me again. I've been wondering whether I should do more cross-training on it - weight lifting, elliptical, etc - to strengthen the muscles around the knee. I probably should, but I'm finding it hard to be motivated.

In fact, I'm generally finding it hard to be motivated to run. I think these are the reasons:

1. Running takes a lot of time. It takes me 30 minutes to get ready, and then I exercise for between 40 and 60 minutes. Then, after exercising, I stretch for another 30 minutes. Plus, it takes me 15 minutes each way to and from the gym. This works out to be about a 2-3 hour activity every day that I do it. That's a lot of time out of the day gone, which limits my ability to do other things. I find this limit frustrating, and often wish there were more time in my day.

2. Running is beginning to feel routine and boring. Admittedly, hitting the treadmill over and over again isn't the most interesting thing in the world. This is especially true when all that's playing on the TV's at the gym is news, SportsCenter, soap operas, and 1980's music videos. PLEASE. I need some new places to run, I think.

3. I feel like I'm not making very fast progress. I feel like I go, and I pound out the time on the treadmill, but I am not progressing. The truth is (and I have to admit this, because I can see it on my Nike+ and in the above stats) I am making progress, but it is slower than I would like. This has always been the case with me. When I was little and learning how to play the piano, I wanted to immediately play like a professional. I find it annoying that all good talents take time to grow. I suppose my greatest tragic flaw would have to be impatience.

I suppose running is teaching me lots of lessons. It's teaching me to prioritize what is and is not important (more so than usual). It is also showing me just how important variety is to my life - too much of the same thing can ruin a great thing. But, perhaps it is showing me most of all the importance of consistency and patience as I progress.  My bishop shared a really great quote the other day. I wanted to share it with you. It really sums up this major lesson that running has been teaching me. It states:

"What we need is not short frenzied outburst of emotion,

but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime."

- Elder Dallin H Oaks, "Dedication of a Lifetime,"

CES Fireside for Young Adults, 1 May 2005.

New Shoes + No Knee Pain = Renewal

It's been one of those weeks. I had a dream earlier this week that I flipped people off, which thing I have never done before in real life. I found it very satisfying. By the end of the week, I was thinking just how satisfying the dream actually was, and how I needed an outlet like it again.

I realized, when I felt this way, that I needed to go running. The last few weeks I haven't been very good about running regularly. I ran a couple times, casually, in Utah before the 5k, but with limited distance or limited running. Then I did a 5k, which went really well. You might have thought this would have motivated me. It didn't.

When I came back from the trip to Utah, I was exhausted and my schoolwork was at a peak. I had, and still have, so much to do that I was feeling discouraged about it all. I determined that I would sacrifice my running to catch up. I did, still, run twice that week back.

Then, this last week, I felt angry. I felt angry at my job, and the world in general, and at the work load that I was still carrying. I felt buried, like I would never catch up. And, I felt martyred because I wasn't even able to go running.

That's it! I thought, I'm going running anyway!

So, on Thursday I did. And, it went okay but it wasn't an amazing workout. Mostly, at the end, I felt frustrated that I wasn't where I was a few weeks ago, and angry that I hadn't been running. I felt discouraged and was beginning to wonder if all of this running wasn't just a waste of time.

What's more, after Thursday's run my right knee was killing me. This was concerning since I had run less than the 5k I'd run in Utah. Had I really lost so much of my training in so short a time??

Friday I went running again. I admit that, going in with the level of discouragement that I felt from the day before, plus the residual knee pain, I had already mentally determined it wouldn't be an amazing run. And, well, it wasn't. I ran/walked 5 minutes on and off for about 25 minutes. Then, I stopped, stretched, and went home.

I felt like I was failing, and sinking.

Friday night was a fantastic date night - farmer's market, amazing dinner at Hunan, and relaxing evening in. I was up late, so I took Saturday off from running. I slept in, I took a nap, I got some papers graded, I had some time with my book club ladies, and I recharged a bit. I only did stuff if, and when, I felt like it. It was lovely, and it changed my attitude.

By Saturday night I was sitting, reading through Runner's World again, and feeling like a proper runner. I began to see myself as successful. I even dreamt last night that I was trying out for the Olympics with a good chance at getting selected (hahaha). But, point is that even my subconscious was onboard again.

This morning, in an effort to defeat the knee pain, I decided it was time to do away with my old shoes and try on the new ones. If I still felt knee pain after today's run, I decided, I would go buy some different shoes and try to cross train more.

So, I strapped my new shoes on (or, at least my new version of the same-old Saucony shoes that I love), and went running. It was a beautiful, cool, breezy day. The streets were mostly empty. The sun was shining and keeping me warm, and I had a great, successful, energizing run. Afterwards, my knee didn't even complain once. It was lovely.

It also made me realize just how important patience and determination really are as I work toward this goal. It is so easy to get discouraged. It is so easy to come up with reasons not to do things. And, it is so easy to let my mind determine the quality of my running - even for the worse. Sometimes I really do have to be patient with my body, and maintain a determination that I will not defeat myself. Ever.

Saving Ta-Ta's

Today, I ran a 5k race

in 36:25.

That's my fastest time, ever.

Not too shabby, not too shabby at all.

It was a sunny, cool day. I ran with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two nephews. The atmosphere there was AWESOME. People were all dressed up in crazy fashions, and running/walking in support of someone with breast cancer. There were over 18,000 people there today, running & walking. Many of those were wearing shirts in dedication to people who had been diagnosed with the disease. It was humbling to realize just how prolific breast cancer actually is, and it was inspiring to see so many out there running to honor the memories of those they loved, and to support those now suffering from it.

For me, the run wasn't entirely easy. At one point I was really struggling to run, so I had stopped to walk. I was feeling a bit discouraged because, at that point, my nephews had completely passed me up. Just then, a bald woman started to run past me. She was wearing a pink survivor shirt and bib. I picked it up and started to jog next to her. I asked her if I could run with her for a bit. She said yes. We trotted along for a short distance, and chatted. She said she had been a runner before her diagnosis, and that she had, prior to diagnosis, arranged to run a half marathon next week. She said, "When I was diagnosed, I thought about quitting the half, but then I decided I wasn't going to let cancer stop me from running it."

Her name is Kim, and she was my inspiration today. Particularly because, even with cancer, she completely outran me. When I stopped to walk, she turned and said, as she ran ahead, "I'm going to see how far I can keep going. I want to keep going."

I hope she keeps going, too. I'm praying for you, Kim, wherever you are.

One of my favorite parts of running today was the t-shirts people wore. Here are a few highlights:

"Save Second Base"

"Tammi's Rack Pack"

Shirt worn by two men: "We stare because we care."

Shirt worn by a survivor: "Of course they're fake. The real ones tried to kill me."

Hilarious. I don't think I've ever laughed so much through a race.

I felt awesome; I felt proud of the kids; I felt happy.

I feel happy.

What an honor that my running can help raise money for such a worthy cause.

Blinking Machines!! >:(

Today's run was hard because my technology kept having issues. Or, rather, I kept having issues with the technology.

I started out just fine. I got on the treadmill, did my warmup walk, and even started to run. The only problem was that after running for only 1 minute, I had to pee. I need to remember to use the bathroom before a run because it complicates things if I have to stop during a run.

I paused the workout, ran to the bathroom, and was back to the treadmill in no time. It took me a few minutes to get my workout to resume, though, because I was trying to be careful to not have the same tech glitch as last time. Once I got the iPod sorted, my treadmill started acting up. I had to pause the workout again, sort out the treadmill, and then start. Just as I got started, my shoelace came untied.

This continued to happen throughout the run, such that I managed to turn my iPod completely OFF, at one point, and the treadmill got turned off TWICE throughout the run. I kept having to pause things and sort out the technology issues. At one point, when the treadmill shut itself off and I was fumbling with my sweaty hands and the buttons, my body rebelled and I ended up in a coughing fit from the sudden shift in oxygen intake.

It was really obnoxious.

REALLY. REALLY. REALLY. OBNOXIOUS.

Despite all of the problems, I still managed to run 3.6 miles today. I ran my fastest mile EVER, and even had Tiger Woods' voice come on my Nike+ to congratulate me (anyone else see the irony in Tiger being the one to congratulate my speed??). I felt stronger and less fatigued than I had on previous runs. Plus, I felt proud of myself for finishing it all.

All in all, it was a pretty good run considering throughout most of it I wanted to throw my treadmill and iPod across the gym.

Take that, stupid machines.



P.S. Just FYI: This is my SECOND attempt at posting for the day. I wrote this post earlier, went to publish it, and it made me sign back in to Blogger. I had completely lost the previous post. Have I mentioned technology doesn't like me today?? Grrr....

This is Why I Run

6. Risk

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror, and wonder what you're doing? I do. I look at myself in the mirror and I have all sorts of thoughts:

• I can't believe that more than two years have passed since we moved to Fresno, and more than three have since we moved from England.
• Where do I want to be in three months? In six? In a year? In two?
• One thing's for sure, I don't want to be 30 and childless.
• I want to run marathons - not just one, but many.
• I want to write a book that's good enough it doesn't end up on the "has been" shelf of the library.
• I want to laugh more, sleep more, and still work enough that I don't go stir crazy.
• I want to be paid more than I am for what I do.
• I want to have a Ph.D. so I could work in non-private schools doing what I do, which I love.
• I want to have muscles that look like, and work like, Tatyana Pushkareva's - that woman is a machine.
• I want to bake more, and eat healthier.
• I want to love hiking.

Erica Jong said, "If you don’t risk anything, you risk more." Running is a risk for me, and I love it. I want to actively seek, and find, peak experiences in my life: experiences that define who I am, and fill me with satisfaction and joy.

Today's Business Meeting = Happier Me

Today's run went fine. I was still sore from yesterday, so I decided to do an easier workout.

Lately I have been battling myself mentally in myriad ways. I don't know why my mind seems so set on negative self-talk, but it has been. So, when I woke up sore from yesterday's cross training, the talk started again. "You don't need to get out there and run today," or, "you're sore, so you won't be able to do a run today anyway. Just don't go today. Wait until you're not sore, and then you can go."

The problem with this kind of thinking is that if I do not go one day, I am worried it will affect my perception of myself further. I will begin to believe that it is better if I don't get out there and run, which I know isn't true. Admittedly, if I schedule a break day (for example, Sunday this week will be a day off), I don't feel bad about it. But, if I choose, last minute, a break because it is easier, then there's a problem.

This morning, though, I was determined to fight off my demon.

It kept telling me that I wouldn't be able to run today. So, I told myself I didn't have to. I had to go to the gym, and I had to walk on the treadmill, but if I didn't feel up to it, I didn't have to run.

Today, Ms. Yellow Shirt was back at the gym (this time in a white shirt). She was running strong below me as I walked on the treadmill. I walked for 10 minutes before my muscles finally felt looser and warmed up. Then, I looked down at her on that treadmill and I thought, "I can do that." So, I did. I kept it lighter today than normal, which is okay. I have to remind myself that it's okay not to work to my maximum output every single day. After all, I don't want to end up injured, and the point is that I DID IT, even when it would have been easier not to.

When I finished, I still felt good, and I felt proud of myself for getting to that gym today in spite of it all.

Later today, though, I had a killer headache. I seem to be getting headaches more frequently lately. I don't know why, but I suspect it is from the compacting of my spine from running. I spent extra time stretching my leg muscles today, but didn't even think about my back. In future I need to spend some time focusing on stretching out my spine so I don't end up injuring it, or suffering from future headaches. I've wondered, though, if the headache might be from working at a computer the rest of the afternoon. Regardless, I believe the solution will be in strengthening my back, and stretching out its muscles.

Today, though, I overcame the headache pain with a nap. I felt 100% better after a little sleep, which just goes to show that, like Ryan Hall suggested, naptime is just as important in training as time running. Perhaps I'll do like he does and start calling it my scheduled afternoon "business meeting."

What a lovely type of business meeting, too: just me, my dreams, and my comfy bed. Sounds like a happy combination. Excuse me while I go check it out right now. After all, I have to get ready for tomorrow's work out.