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This last weekend has been a hard one for me. I have really been struggling. In fact, lately I have been struggling in a variety of ways. So, I'm going to complain. Don't read if whining bugs you.

First, I am not well. I am not ill, but I am not well. I have a chronic sore throat after my horrifically long days of teaching. Then, something has bloomed in Fresno and it doesn't agree with me. I have been coughing hard at nights and in the mornings, such that Aaron said I sound like I have asthma (because the cough reminds him of Alex's cough as a kid). I feel tired, and my limbs feel heavy, even though I have been getting plenty of sleep.

Plus, my balance and spatial awareness seems to be off. Today I slammed a door into my toe (which still hurts, by the way, so it was a HARD hit), tripped over three chairs (no little shuffle, either), dropped my stainless steel water bottle (we're talking FLYING drop, water everywhere) on TWO separate occassions, and when I mis-said a word in class, I came out with a "Bloody Hell" of frustration in front of the students. What the...!? I never swear! So, something is just, well off, and I can't figure out what is going on!

Then, work has been particularly taxing. It's not that work has changed, but I am burned out on it and we're only in week 2 of 11 at one school, and week 3 of 8 at another. My schedule is only going to get busier, and all I can think about is how to get away from it. I spend hours during my teaching feeling like I am drudging through it. Perhaps it is the 14-hour days in front of the students, or perhaps it is just general burn out.

My coworkers haven't much helped with my "enjoyment" of work. More this quarter than ever before, they seem clique-ish and exclusive. Here's two special instances to illustrate this point:

1. It was lunch time. We were sitting there, eating our meals. The oldies, but goodies, were at one end, and the two younger ones (myself included) were at the other. After some time, where I was super stressed and involved in thought about how to get my sammy to not fall apart while I wolfed it down, the other girl suddenly said to me, "Oh, great, this is going to be the most boring quarter because all of the interesting people are at the other campus." Great. Nice to know I'm boring.

2. Every one of the female day instructors under the age of 40 had a matching lanyard today, but me. Someone took special time to point this out to me and said, "You should get one. I mean, let's face it...a BYU lanyard just doesn't cut it." Thanks, mean girl. Sorry I'm not a groupie. Kiss my, what?!

Anyhow, today I just punched in my card at work. As Aaron always says, "This, too, shall pass." It's true. With time things will sort themselves out. But, I just keep thinking about the R.S. lesson on Sunday about patience. I remember Sis. Van N. saying, "if patience is a virtue, I am NOT a virtuous woman," and I laugh. I think about the need for patience, and I am praying for it now because it is hard to see hope in the middle of hard things (even when those hard things are little hard things).

It's been a long day. Perhaps I'll go home and go to bed early. Or not. We'll see.

I'm planning a run tomorrow morning. I'll let you know how that goes.