It Never Rains but it Pours

What a weekend.

We spent Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday morning working on the house. We painted the hall, painted the baseboards in most of the rooms, and painted pretty much every door in the house. We put in the new doorknobs, rearranged all the furniture that we'd had to move away from the walls to paint baseboards (including all our books and bookcases), deep cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, and then cooked a meal for 15 people. It was exhausting, and wonderful fun!

Then, Saturday afternoon I felt a bit nauseated. I wasn't too alarmed because I was a bit "late," as it were, and I was hopeful it was a sign of pregnancy (we're not trying, but we still wouldn't complain if things worked out). I thought this might be the case especially because the nausea went away when I ate.

On Sunday, I woke up with tummy distress (mild and lower digestive tract), but took Pepto and then felt fine. I put this distress down to the usual culprit: lack of sleep and stress.

Sunday's dinner went off without a hitch, and aside from being exhausted, I felt pretty good.

Late last night we went for a walk around the block because I haven't had a lot of time to exercise and I was eager to move my body. I didn't run because I was too exhausted and it was too late in the day. By the end of the walk, though, I felt properly nauseated. Putting it down to fatigue, again, we went to bed at 10pm (super early for us, especially considering the previous 3 nights we'd gone to bed at 2am - a whole 4 hours later).

At midnight, I woke up and vomited over and over. Then it came out the other end. I threw up four separate times in two hours, and found myself on the toilet another four times. At one point, I actually was thinking that a bullet seemed preferable to the pain. It was THAT BAD (and it was late, so I was feeling a bit dramatic). I was so exhausted, but I couldn't sleep laying down because I felt so sick. But, I was so tired I kept falling asleep sitting up on the toilet. In retrospect this was mildly funny, though at the time I was hardly laughing. In fact, I cried a lot.

I did sleep from 2-4am, but was up again for another 1-1.5 hours, on the toilet as well as dry-heaving/barfing AGAIN. This time, it was all just bile. Nothing else was left in me.

When I woke this morning at 6:45am (after a whopping hour and half of sleep), I felt like a parched fish on dry ground. I can't remember the last time I was so thirsty. Aaron's ice chips were a godsend, as was the Ginger Ale he ran to SaveMart to buy for me before he left for work at 7:30. He's such a lifesaver. I LOVE HIM!

Last night, as I was laying on the bathroom floor somewhere between sleep, illness, and wakefulness, I hoped this WASN'T pregnancy, because I would have seriously been wondering what I had done to myself.

Today, though, I took that thought back. Why? Because, in the middle of the fatigue, sickness, and inability to keep things down, I am having cramps - solid, hard, legitimate, painful cramps. I'm not late anymore. The worst part of it, too, is I can't take any ibuprofen to knock the pain (like I usually do) because I doubt I could keep it down (after all, ibuprofen is hard enough on the tummy on regular days, let alone on a day like today).

I just keep thinking about what Bryony would say in these situations: "Really? Really, Body? You can't be serious. This is NOT okay."

Really, though, and very seriously, Body, this is not funny and NOT fun.

The only good news is that it should all be over before the cabin trip this weekend. Now, I just hope that Aaron doesn't get sick, especially while backpacking in the mountains with his brothers. Keep him in your prayers because that would be sheer misery.

Still, I may take some soda, crackers, and soup up to the cabin, just in case. It always pays to be prepared, after all, because you never know when there will be another downpour.

A Break

So, I've sort of been taking a break from running the last few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm still exercising, but not running as much. Here's why:

Two weekends ago my family bought last minute tickets to San Francisco for the weekend. So, we rented a car (for super cheap, actually) and drove up to meet them. While there, we went to Alcatraz, Ghiradelli Square, the Wharf, Lombard Street, and the play Wicked. We also ate some really good Thai food, with Pumpkin Curry (YUM!).

Then, my mom came back to Fresno with us. She spent a week with us, mostly relaxing, reading, and napping while we slaved away at work (tough life for her, eh?) ;).  It wasn't all play, though, we went for a morning exercise walk together several times, and she helped me completely reorganize my kitchen so it is, now, a functional space. It's much more intuitive to use now, and I LOVE IT!

After she left on Saturday, we went to a friend's house for a movie marathon, then came home and quickly cleaned before we babysat some cute kiddos (three of them, ages 5, 2, and .5) from 5-10pm.

Sunday I had a great morning run. It was difficult, though, mostly because it was SO HOT outside. I started running about 8:30, and by then it was already in the 80s. Way too hot to run. That night we did homework, because our ox was in the mire, and then we were back to the grind on Monday.

This week has been busy, too, what with house preparations for the family coming into town this weekend.

But, today I finally went running again: 5 minute walk, 21 minute run, 5 minute walk, and it wasn't even hard. In fact, my knee pain was non-existant. The thing about this, too, is that I was having knee pain last Sunday when I ran outside in the heat. Then, based off a recommendation in Runner's World magazine, I started to lengthen my stride to its fullest. I dug deep, ran fast and hard, and stretched my stride out completely. I was FLYING. And, the best part was that my knee immediately stopped hurting.

So, today I ran faster on the treadmill. I kept the pace for the entirety of the 21 minutes.

WOOHOO!

The best news in all of this is that, despite my busyness, I haven't lost much of my fitness. I've only lost training time - a week and a half of it. But, hey, it was TOTALLY worth it, and I'd do it all again!

Dedication of a Lifetime

What a week of successes! Rather than run you through everything I did this week (which might bore you to tears), I'll just hit the training highlights from the week.

Tuesday
I ran my farthest run yet: 4.17 miles. I walked 5, ran 20, walked 5, ran 15.

Saturday
I ran for the LONGEST time running in a row (without stopping). I walked 5, ran for 30 MINUTES, and then walked 5. I felt Awesome afterwards. It was my best run yet!!

Monday
Today I walked 5, ran 20, walked 5, ran 13 for a distance of 4:11 miles. The run was hard, but I feel glad I got out and did it.

My right knee is beginning to bother me again. I've been wondering whether I should do more cross-training on it - weight lifting, elliptical, etc - to strengthen the muscles around the knee. I probably should, but I'm finding it hard to be motivated.

In fact, I'm generally finding it hard to be motivated to run. I think these are the reasons:

1. Running takes a lot of time. It takes me 30 minutes to get ready, and then I exercise for between 40 and 60 minutes. Then, after exercising, I stretch for another 30 minutes. Plus, it takes me 15 minutes each way to and from the gym. This works out to be about a 2-3 hour activity every day that I do it. That's a lot of time out of the day gone, which limits my ability to do other things. I find this limit frustrating, and often wish there were more time in my day.

2. Running is beginning to feel routine and boring. Admittedly, hitting the treadmill over and over again isn't the most interesting thing in the world. This is especially true when all that's playing on the TV's at the gym is news, SportsCenter, soap operas, and 1980's music videos. PLEASE. I need some new places to run, I think.

3. I feel like I'm not making very fast progress. I feel like I go, and I pound out the time on the treadmill, but I am not progressing. The truth is (and I have to admit this, because I can see it on my Nike+ and in the above stats) I am making progress, but it is slower than I would like. This has always been the case with me. When I was little and learning how to play the piano, I wanted to immediately play like a professional. I find it annoying that all good talents take time to grow. I suppose my greatest tragic flaw would have to be impatience.

I suppose running is teaching me lots of lessons. It's teaching me to prioritize what is and is not important (more so than usual). It is also showing me just how important variety is to my life - too much of the same thing can ruin a great thing. But, perhaps it is showing me most of all the importance of consistency and patience as I progress.  My bishop shared a really great quote the other day. I wanted to share it with you. It really sums up this major lesson that running has been teaching me. It states:

"What we need is not short frenzied outburst of emotion,

but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime."

- Elder Dallin H Oaks, "Dedication of a Lifetime,"

CES Fireside for Young Adults, 1 May 2005.

New Shoes + No Knee Pain = Renewal

It's been one of those weeks. I had a dream earlier this week that I flipped people off, which thing I have never done before in real life. I found it very satisfying. By the end of the week, I was thinking just how satisfying the dream actually was, and how I needed an outlet like it again.

I realized, when I felt this way, that I needed to go running. The last few weeks I haven't been very good about running regularly. I ran a couple times, casually, in Utah before the 5k, but with limited distance or limited running. Then I did a 5k, which went really well. You might have thought this would have motivated me. It didn't.

When I came back from the trip to Utah, I was exhausted and my schoolwork was at a peak. I had, and still have, so much to do that I was feeling discouraged about it all. I determined that I would sacrifice my running to catch up. I did, still, run twice that week back.

Then, this last week, I felt angry. I felt angry at my job, and the world in general, and at the work load that I was still carrying. I felt buried, like I would never catch up. And, I felt martyred because I wasn't even able to go running.

That's it! I thought, I'm going running anyway!

So, on Thursday I did. And, it went okay but it wasn't an amazing workout. Mostly, at the end, I felt frustrated that I wasn't where I was a few weeks ago, and angry that I hadn't been running. I felt discouraged and was beginning to wonder if all of this running wasn't just a waste of time.

What's more, after Thursday's run my right knee was killing me. This was concerning since I had run less than the 5k I'd run in Utah. Had I really lost so much of my training in so short a time??

Friday I went running again. I admit that, going in with the level of discouragement that I felt from the day before, plus the residual knee pain, I had already mentally determined it wouldn't be an amazing run. And, well, it wasn't. I ran/walked 5 minutes on and off for about 25 minutes. Then, I stopped, stretched, and went home.

I felt like I was failing, and sinking.

Friday night was a fantastic date night - farmer's market, amazing dinner at Hunan, and relaxing evening in. I was up late, so I took Saturday off from running. I slept in, I took a nap, I got some papers graded, I had some time with my book club ladies, and I recharged a bit. I only did stuff if, and when, I felt like it. It was lovely, and it changed my attitude.

By Saturday night I was sitting, reading through Runner's World again, and feeling like a proper runner. I began to see myself as successful. I even dreamt last night that I was trying out for the Olympics with a good chance at getting selected (hahaha). But, point is that even my subconscious was onboard again.

This morning, in an effort to defeat the knee pain, I decided it was time to do away with my old shoes and try on the new ones. If I still felt knee pain after today's run, I decided, I would go buy some different shoes and try to cross train more.

So, I strapped my new shoes on (or, at least my new version of the same-old Saucony shoes that I love), and went running. It was a beautiful, cool, breezy day. The streets were mostly empty. The sun was shining and keeping me warm, and I had a great, successful, energizing run. Afterwards, my knee didn't even complain once. It was lovely.

It also made me realize just how important patience and determination really are as I work toward this goal. It is so easy to get discouraged. It is so easy to come up with reasons not to do things. And, it is so easy to let my mind determine the quality of my running - even for the worse. Sometimes I really do have to be patient with my body, and maintain a determination that I will not defeat myself. Ever.

Thoughts on Epitaphs

So, I didn't run today. But, that's okay.

Instead, I worked at Heald. I like working there. It has great students.

While I was working, I came across an article, written in the Spring 2009 Edition of RECAP: California Alliance of Paralegal Associations. In the article, by Melvin E. Irvin, he states the following.

"During the American Revolution, the American Pastor, Dr. Vernon Johnson, said, 'Be ashamed to die until you have done something good for mankind'. When I read those words, I asked myself, what have I done for mankind that is good?

"I have told many close friends that my goal in life is to earn a very simple Epitaph for my tombstone. 'He was a good man'."

I read this, and I thought about what he had said. I thought about all the tombstones I have read at the local cemetary as I exercised there. I thought about the book I just read, called The Graveyard Book (which was pretty good, actually).

Mostly, though, I thought about how it is a noble goal to want to earn an epitaph that states you WERE a good man, but what if humanity worked to earn this epitaph instead:

"He is the best of men."

Not that there's anything wrong with being good, but isn't there always something better we can become? And what's with the "was" on the headstone? It suggests that, after this life, we no longer have to be good.

I don't know about you, but I plan on continuing after this life, and I hope death doesn't cause me to stop being my best, and doing good for others. That would be a shame, indeed.

This said, though, it got me thinking about epitaphs. What is it that I hope my headstone reads at the end of my days?

Honestly, I hope that on my headstone it will say this: "She loved everyone she met, and they knew it."

What the ????

Today's run wasn't much of a run.

I ran on Tuesday for 20 straight minutes, and felt awesome, but today I felt sick.

I felt really, really dizzy, for the second time this week. It's been crazy. Monday I felt so bad I had to sit while I lectured. Then, today I felt so ill that I was having a hard time driving to and from the gym (because everything was spinning). I don't think it was super safe, but I was driving slowly and carefully, and I made it just fine.

I can't figure what the problem is, though. I think it's been brought on by pluggage (sure, it's a word...) in my ears from allergies. I've been really sneezy lately, and keep breaking out in itchy allergic reactions to crap in the air. Definite allergy season.

Anyhow, so today I felt so dizzy that I mostly walked instead of ran. I'd walk 2 minutes, run for 1. I did that for about 20 minutes, and then got off. It was so NOT a workout that I felt like I didn't even need to stretch afterwards. But, at least I got out and did something.

The major highlight of the exercise (not in a good way, either) was the woman who looked absolutely skeletal. I mean, SERIOUSLY skeletal. I saw each individual rib cage bone - by her neckline. Where her breasts should have been, there was nothing - just mosquito bites. Instead of cleavage, peeking out over the top of her exercise shirt were the deep, jagged ruts of ribs. Her body had practically NO fat on it, such that I could see individual muscle groups and tendons in her body, and clearly make out where they linked with her bones. It was truly disgusting.

She, meanwhile, was chatting with another runner and showing off muscle groups. She seemed proud of how she looked, even though she looked ill.

I wondered, as I looked at her, if this is what elite runners looked like in real life. It was anything BUT attractive.

Still, though, it made me remember something very important: I run to gain fitness, not to be thin. Running to be thin can lead a person to be too thin, and that is not what I want.

I want to be fit and flexible. I want to be devastatingly sexy. Is that so wrong?

Saving Ta-Ta's

Today, I ran a 5k race

in 36:25.

That's my fastest time, ever.

Not too shabby, not too shabby at all.

It was a sunny, cool day. I ran with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two nephews. The atmosphere there was AWESOME. People were all dressed up in crazy fashions, and running/walking in support of someone with breast cancer. There were over 18,000 people there today, running & walking. Many of those were wearing shirts in dedication to people who had been diagnosed with the disease. It was humbling to realize just how prolific breast cancer actually is, and it was inspiring to see so many out there running to honor the memories of those they loved, and to support those now suffering from it.

For me, the run wasn't entirely easy. At one point I was really struggling to run, so I had stopped to walk. I was feeling a bit discouraged because, at that point, my nephews had completely passed me up. Just then, a bald woman started to run past me. She was wearing a pink survivor shirt and bib. I picked it up and started to jog next to her. I asked her if I could run with her for a bit. She said yes. We trotted along for a short distance, and chatted. She said she had been a runner before her diagnosis, and that she had, prior to diagnosis, arranged to run a half marathon next week. She said, "When I was diagnosed, I thought about quitting the half, but then I decided I wasn't going to let cancer stop me from running it."

Her name is Kim, and she was my inspiration today. Particularly because, even with cancer, she completely outran me. When I stopped to walk, she turned and said, as she ran ahead, "I'm going to see how far I can keep going. I want to keep going."

I hope she keeps going, too. I'm praying for you, Kim, wherever you are.

One of my favorite parts of running today was the t-shirts people wore. Here are a few highlights:

"Save Second Base"

"Tammi's Rack Pack"

Shirt worn by two men: "We stare because we care."

Shirt worn by a survivor: "Of course they're fake. The real ones tried to kill me."

Hilarious. I don't think I've ever laughed so much through a race.

I felt awesome; I felt proud of the kids; I felt happy.

I feel happy.

What an honor that my running can help raise money for such a worthy cause.